Welcome to the wonderful world of BYU-Idaho, and when I say welcome I mean it. BYU-Idaho is a world within itself. While BYU-Idaho is located in a small town of Rexburg, Idaho the dating scene here can be fast paced and sometimes just downright difficult to deal with. Much of this is due to the fact that there are a large variety of ages, styles, and mind sets. Students range from the new 18 year old freshmen looking to have fun to the senior looking to find someone to marry before they graduate. While each person’s situation is different we hope to shed some light on what goes on here at BYU-Idaho and to help students have a fun dating experience. We will go over general dating guidelines, date ideas, activities, a kissing guide, and what others here at BYU-Idaho think about dating.
BYU-Idaho and Dating
Welcome to the wonderful world of BYU-Idaho, and when I say welcome I mean it. BYU-Idaho is a world within itself. While BYU-Idaho is located in a small town of Rexburg, Idaho the dating scene here can be fast paced and sometimes just downright difficult to deal with. Much of this is due to the fact that there are a large variety of ages, styles, and mind sets. Students range from the new 18 year old freshmen looking to have fun to the senior looking to find someone to marry before they graduate. While each person’s situation is different we hope to shed some light on what goes on here at BYU-Idaho and to help students have a fun dating experience. We will go over general dating guidelines, date ideas, activities, a kissing guide, and what others here at BYU-Idaho think about dating.
Getting Started
Three aspects of a person of the opposite sex must be taken into consideration when attempting to create a relationship. The first is availability. I don't care what they look like or what qualities you posses; if they are married you will not get a date. This is a particular problem due to the young age at which couples get married at BYU-I. A simple glance at the left hand can usually solve this problem. This technique is known as the “Ring Check”.
The second hurtle to overcome is conversation. The important thing to remember is that if you are in the same class, or if you only go to the same college you have many things in common. The best thing to do is to find out what that person enjoys and then offer the activity rather than your company. One example would be to talk about movies that are going to be released soon. Then when interest is shown in one offer to go together.
Our final hurtle is deciding what to do, or the plan. In the above example notice a specific activity is mentioned. When you have a plan not only is it easier to ask, because the rejection would be directed toward the activity and not your self, but it will also give your partner a sense of stability. If you ask someone to go hike table rock they will be able to prepare for the occasion rather than worry about what you are like.
When used properly these three steps will work effectively on nearly any person for a first date.
Remember practice makes perfect, so the more people you ask the more comfortable it will become.
Local Attractions & Date Ideas
The Rex
Locally owned and operated, the Rex is dating headquarters. From bowling to movies, or video games and arcades, to pizza the Rex is a fully equipped family fun center. Check it out.
www.rexburgmovies.com/
Tautphus Park
A short 20 minute drive from Rexburg is Tautphus Park and Zoo. A great place for some fun. After seeing the animals you may want to venture over to the fun land to enjoy the ferris wheel, octopus or other rides appropriate for all ages.
Rexburg Tabernacle
Originally built by the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints the tabernacle is now owned by the city who bought it after the Teton Dam disaster. In the basement is the Teton Flood Museum.
Carousel
This antique carousel is located in the southwestern corner of Porter Park. While appearing to be a plain carousel, it is one of 170 wooden carousels in the nation that include a real pipe organ.
Spray Park
During hot Rexburg summers the spray park at the southwestern end of Porter Park is a great way to cool off. It runs from 9 am to 9 pm every day. Best of all, it's free!
Kelly Canyon
This is the closest ski hill to Rexburg. From beginner to advanced runs, there is a little bit of everything at this ski resort. One of the key attractions is the lit slopes at night that provide more long lasting snowy fun.
Green Canyon
Thirty-five minutes to the northeast nestled in a small canyon lies an olympic sized swimming pool. The water is naturally warmed by the hot springs near by rests at 88 degrees. Just outside the main enclosure is the hot spring. After everyone is done getting wet, a campground lies nearby for a campfire and marshmallow roasts.
Heise Hot Springs
A little farther than Green Canyon is Heise. The drive is worth it if you enjoy water slides, cabins, golf and camping. Heise has it all in the summer. During the winter they still have their hot spring open while the slide and large pool are closed.
For additional attraction and information contact the Rexburg Chamber of Commerce .
http://www.rexcc.com/thingstodo/attractions/index.html
http://www.coolestdates.com/
http://www.romantic-lyrics.com/dateideas.shtml
Locally owned and operated, the Rex is dating headquarters. From bowling to movies, or video games and arcades, to pizza the Rex is a fully equipped family fun center. Check it out.
www.rexburgmovies.com/
Tautphus Park
A short 20 minute drive from Rexburg is Tautphus Park and Zoo. A great place for some fun. After seeing the animals you may want to venture over to the fun land to enjoy the ferris wheel, octopus or other rides appropriate for all ages.
Rexburg Tabernacle
Originally built by the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints the tabernacle is now owned by the city who bought it after the Teton Dam disaster. In the basement is the Teton Flood Museum.
Carousel
This antique carousel is located in the southwestern corner of Porter Park. While appearing to be a plain carousel, it is one of 170 wooden carousels in the nation that include a real pipe organ.
Spray Park
During hot Rexburg summers the spray park at the southwestern end of Porter Park is a great way to cool off. It runs from 9 am to 9 pm every day. Best of all, it's free!
Kelly Canyon
This is the closest ski hill to Rexburg. From beginner to advanced runs, there is a little bit of everything at this ski resort. One of the key attractions is the lit slopes at night that provide more long lasting snowy fun.
Green Canyon
Thirty-five minutes to the northeast nestled in a small canyon lies an olympic sized swimming pool. The water is naturally warmed by the hot springs near by rests at 88 degrees. Just outside the main enclosure is the hot spring. After everyone is done getting wet, a campground lies nearby for a campfire and marshmallow roasts.
Heise Hot Springs
A little farther than Green Canyon is Heise. The drive is worth it if you enjoy water slides, cabins, golf and camping. Heise has it all in the summer. During the winter they still have their hot spring open while the slide and large pool are closed.
For additional attraction and information contact the Rexburg Chamber of Commerce .
http://www.rexcc.com/thingstodo/attractions/index.html
When first entering the dating life here in Rexburg, it is common to experience a “creative” date. These are popular both because of their low cost, but also because they are usually a better way to get to know your partner. Here are some websites with quite a few ideas.
http://www.coolestdates.com/
http://www.romantic-lyrics.com/dateideas.shtml
Kissing Guidelines
“I married the first man I ever kissed. When I tell this to my children they just about throw up.” –Barbara Bush (http://www.quotegarden.com/kisses.html)
There are plenty of ideas about kissing. When you should. When you shouldn’t. What’s appropriate. And what’s not. Most would agree that kissing is an enjoyable experience. But we also need to be careful in our dating interactions. As members of the church we have a higher standard and we need to be conscious of this in our dating, even here in Rexburg, Idaho. As the world’s standards continue to decline we need to not just keep our standards a step above the world’s standards. This would only mean that we would arrive in hell a little later then the world. We should have fun but we need to keep our thoughts and actions elevated while enjoying our dating experiences.
1. Show Respect.
- Just say NO to a “NCMO" (Non-committal Makeout)”
President Spencer W. Kimball stated, “Kissing has … degenerated to develop and express lust instead of affection, honor, and admiration. To kiss in casual dating is asking for trouble. What do kisses mean when handed out like pretzels and robbed of sacredness?” (The Teachings of Spencer W. Kimball, 281). Today is seems all too easy to get caught up in the temporary or momentary pleasures instead of waiting for the things that matter. To think about kissing as “fun” and in a recreational manner degrades yourself and those who participate with you. When we show affection without commitment we are being dishonest. Be wise.
- Keep it Appropriate.
We all know that we have been counseled not to participate in passionate kissing but I think far too few of us take strict heed to this warning. “Many things around you encourage you to give affection, such as your physical maturity, movies, advertising, music, stories, articles, and conversation. Granted this is the trend of the day. But there are good reasons why you should be discriminating and self-controlled in your giving of affection. As you are aware, kissing is more stimulating than satisfying; consequently, it invites more and more. Once a couple begins to share affection in a physical way, this activity tends to become the focus of interest. Often such a couple ceases to explore the other significant dimensions of personality: mind, character, maturity, religious faith, moral values, and goals.” (Bruce Monson. Speaking of Kissing. New Era June 2001. lds.org) I think we’ve all heard far too many stories about physical relationships that have gone too far and the dangers that are there. Be careful and follow the Spirit.
The Oppsite Sex
If you haven’t noticed by now, I regret to inform you that men and women are different. Yep. Yep they are. Along with a different physical anatomy that may be the most obvious, we also come with very differing emotional and mental differences. While living in our unique social society here in Rexburg, you may have felt overwhelmed with the social “guidelines” that are present. As the 80’s ballad by Pat Benatar states: “Love is a battlefield.” Trying to understand members of the opposite sex may seem like a monumental task. Let alone trying to develop a relationship and date something so foreign and different. I’d like to suggest some pointers to try to help you ease the mysterious burden of members of the opposite sex.
1. Know that you are not alone.
According to a recent survey given to current BYU-Idaho students, very few are confident in their understanding of members of the opposite sex. 60% of girls said they didn’t understand guys. While 74% of guys responded that they don’t understand girls. Some common expressions when asked if they believed that they understood the opposite sex were: “Yeah Right!” “NO!” “Not at all!” “No way.” “NO! THAT’S WHY I’M SINGLE.”
2. COMMUNICATE!!! TALK!!!
The most sure fire way to understand someone is to talk to them. But don’t forget that just as important as talking is LISTENING. From all of the surveys that you will later see, everyone is different. There are strong common similarities but no two people answered exactly the same. Just like in our classes here at school, it requires effort and hard work, so unfortunately there is no easy answer for knowing the opposite sex. There’s no fool proof formula for understanding girls and guys. But try to remember that the ability to talk and have your date remember what you said is a top priority. We all want to understand and be understood. Remember to be honest and yourself.
3. There is no ideal. Mistakes will happen
I don’t know anyone who has dated without ups and downs. Don’t be hard on yourself. “In terms of the formation of long-term relationships, it's far better to get false negatives than false positives.” -Eric Pepke (http://www.dating-tips-advice.com/quotes/relationships.html) It’s probably going to take a few tries before we find what we’re each looking for. Don’t get discouraged.
4. Keep it Simple!
Remember that there are a lot of differences between sexes. It all comes down to effort. So, here’s a little hint. Girls: Guys are simple. Don’t over analyze. Don’t play games. Guys: Girls tend to be more complex. Be sensitive and sincere. Put some effort into it. So for repetition’s sake, everyone is different. Focus on individuals and be yourself. And as stated above, communicate! The easiest way to understand someone is to ask.
5. Take a look at the Surveys!
We asked you, local BYU-I coeds about dating! Let’s just say; maybe you can apply the teaching model from what we’ve gathered. Take a look, learn, and apply.
Surveys
Guys, have you ever wondered what turns girls off? Girls, have you ever wanted to know if you could ask for his number? After some lengthy surveying of local BYU-Idaho students we put this information together for your good. Enjoy!
Guys: How can a girl show interest without being too forward?
1. Be flirty!! (This was by far the most common response.)
2. Show him specific attention or interest.
3. Boys are dumb and they won’t catch on no matter what you do. (Yep. Guys admitted this.)
4. Be friendly.
Girls: What’s the nicest thing a guy can do for you?
1. Be complimentary/ Leave her feeling better about herself .
2. Be a gentleman. (Open doors, be polite and not just to your date but everyone. Call or text after your date to thank her for the night.)
3. Be genuine.
4. Take charge.
5. Really learn about her. Remember what she said.
6. Be outgoing.
Girls: When does a guy being nice become cheesy?
1. NOT BEING SINCERE. (This was an overwhelming answer.)
2. Trying too hard. (Be yourself. Don’t force anything.)
3. Not being confident.
4. When it’s just plain awkward. (Guys please be careful with pick up lines or nicknames.)
What’s your biggest turn off?
From the Guys:
1. Being weird.
2. Talking too much.
3. Whining.
4. After that we got A LOT of different answers. Here’s some of them:
Immaturity, being rude, weight, coming onto guys, flirting with other guys in front of him, judging too quickly, being selfish, lack of respect for sacred things, being overly dramatic, being controlling, and bad hair. Basically girls, good luck because every guy has a different turn off so just do your best to be yourself.
From the Girls:
1. Arrogance.
2. Rudeness.
3. Immaturity.
4. A guy not living up to his potential.
5. Too needy/ jealous.
Girls: What are the little things you’re looking for on dates?
1. Be a gentleman. (Girls want you to put in the effort to go the extra mile.)
2. Be able to have a continuous conversation.
3. Smile. She wants someone who’s happy and optimistic.
4. A guy who remembers the little things about her.
5. Be thoughtful.
6. Be spontaneous.
7. Call afterwards.
Guys: How can a girl show interest without being too forward?
1. Be flirty!! (This was by far the most common response.)
2. Show him specific attention or interest.
3. Boys are dumb and they won’t catch on no matter what you do. (Yep. Guys admitted this.)
4. Be friendly.
Girls: What’s the nicest thing a guy can do for you?
1. Be complimentary/ Leave her feeling better about herself .
2. Be a gentleman. (Open doors, be polite and not just to your date but everyone. Call or text after your date to thank her for the night.)
3. Be genuine.
4. Take charge.
5. Really learn about her. Remember what she said.
6. Be outgoing.
Girls: When does a guy being nice become cheesy?
1. NOT BEING SINCERE. (This was an overwhelming answer.)
2. Trying too hard. (Be yourself. Don’t force anything.)
3. Not being confident.
4. When it’s just plain awkward. (Guys please be careful with pick up lines or nicknames.)
What’s your biggest turn off?
From the Guys:
1. Being weird.
2. Talking too much.
3. Whining.
4. After that we got A LOT of different answers. Here’s some of them:
Immaturity, being rude, weight, coming onto guys, flirting with other guys in front of him, judging too quickly, being selfish, lack of respect for sacred things, being overly dramatic, being controlling, and bad hair. Basically girls, good luck because every guy has a different turn off so just do your best to be yourself.
From the Girls:
1. Arrogance.
2. Rudeness.
3. Immaturity.
4. A guy not living up to his potential.
5. Too needy/ jealous.
Girls: What are the little things you’re looking for on dates?
1. Be a gentleman. (Girls want you to put in the effort to go the extra mile.)
2. Be able to have a continuous conversation.
3. Smile. She wants someone who’s happy and optimistic.
4. A guy who remembers the little things about her.
5. Be thoughtful.
6. Be spontaneous.
7. Call afterwards.
Local Opinions
So all of us have had those dates that couldn’t have gone better, while we’ve probably had our fair share of dates that we pray we can get through. Or what about those "compliments" that you grin and bear? Here are some stories to bring some laughter into your day.
· What was your favorite date?
“It was super easy-going. We wrote messages in a bottle and threw them in a lake. Went four wheeling, carved our names on trees, decorated a gingerbread house and got in a frosting fight.” –Female, Special Education major, WA
“We got a list of insane things to do at the mall and we vid
eotaped it. Then we went and played Cranium and had ice cream.” –Male, Informatics major, CO
“We went to a play and then Marie Calendars’ to share a sundae and talk. While taking me home he asked if he could surprise me and took me on t
op of a mountain to see the city lights (which happens to be my favorite thing ever!). We talked a lot and then he taught me to drive.” –Female, Child Development major, CA
· What was your worst date?
“She asked me out. I paid for the date: food, movie, gas.” –Male, Ag. Business major, ID
“My date invited me to go get ice cream after my concert. We went but he went through the drive through. I asked what we were doing and he said it was a surprise. He brought me to the middle of nowhere and had me get out of the car when it was freezing because he wanted to “dance with me under the stars” to sappy romantic love songs. I was appalled. This was our first date and I barely knew him. A few days later I found out that he had done the same exact date with other girls. Creepo.” –Female, Elementary Education major, WA
“So my roommate set me up on a date with a girl I had never met. We were suppose to go on a double date but my roommate ditched out at the last minute. I don’t have a car and we were going to go to the corn maze but couldn’t. As my roommate left he told us we should take a “romantic walk in the gardens”. We ended up watching a movie, getting ice cream, and playing Mario Cart. I walked her home at ten. I found out later it was her first date ever.” –Male, Biology major, WA
· What’s the best compliment you’ve ever received?
“You have it all.” –Female, Nursing major, MN
“Your eyes are so good looking.” –Male, Computer Science major, MT
“You’re the most positive person I know.” –Female, English Education major, WA
· What’s the worst compliment you’ve ever received?
“Why aren’t you married?... No. Seriously.” –Female, Nursing major, WA
“You’re a… pretty girl.” –Female, Biology major, ID
“No you’re not ugly…You’re just not very attractive.” –Male, Accounting major, FL
· What are the top 3 qualities you’re looking for in a girl? Here are the top 10 results.
1. Physical Attraction/ Looks
2. Spirituality
3. Personality
4. Funny/ Sense of Humor
5. Intelligent
6. Caring
7. Fun/ Positive
8. Open
9. Uplifting
10. Easy to talk to
· What are the top 3 qualities you’re looking for in a guy? Here are the top 10 results
1. Spirituality/ Puts the Lord first
2. Sense of Humor
3. Fun/ Spontaneous
4. Ambition
5. Gentleman
6. Trustworthy/ Honest
7. Intelligence
8. Kindness/ Caring
9. Respectful
10. Physical Attraction/ Looks
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